Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Wednesday infusion day.

Oh Wednesday, how I hate you. Every week a nurse comes and hooks up my port and I'm bound to a pole for 4 to 5 hrs. The annoying IV plays the song I love to hate most. And today will be extra special because noise hurts. Every little sound from the buzz of the fan to the ding of my husband messaging me on Facebook is killing my ears today. This is all part of my POTS. Somedays I love the world and on other days the world just hurts.

I was actually just thinking that if I didn't have young children that I'd probably drive off somewhere and take a pill that would make me sleep forever. Forever sounds good when there is no more pain, iv needles, medication bottles, no need for energy and the many other issues that comes with POTS.

Before you freak out and think wow she's going to kill herself or she's suicidal and you feel the urge to call 911; Stop right there. I'm not. I'm just extremely frustrated with how I'm living this life. How little I have control of it. How I had all of these plans like a college degree, a few mission trips and to never miss my son's ball games. It really hurts when reality hits you in the face.

So today excuse me while I hate everything, including myself.


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